So I'm pretty much back to normal. The "Kensho" experience didn't last as I thought it would at first. It was beautiful. This direct knowledge that I'm united to the One Mind and that there's nothing but the One Mind. I clearly realized that there's nothing to seek for and that there is no deficiency.
But it is not the same now. It's just a memory and not the direct understanding as before. I guess the path goes on then. πŸ˜„

I'm pretty sad now I don't have this direct understanding anymore. It's like you finally wake up from the bad dream and then you fall asleep again πŸ˜₯

Reflecting on this awakening experience I now understand it makes sense it didn't last long. I'm just totally not ready for it to continue longer. It already went to my head in this short time. 😜

@reto This has happened to me many times in the course of practice. I have a wonderful direct experience of non-self, or as you say, of One Mind. But then I cannot have that experience again. I try to reproduce it using the same technique, but it fades away. I make note of it in my journal so I don't forget that I had the experience.

@reto On the bright side, I find that these experiences are happening more frequently. The experiences become more vivid and intense. I'm developing the capacity to have these experiences. I can have them during meditation, and then experience a 'shadow' of them during the day. Also, when I read about your experience, I can have a shadow experience. So we can learn from each other.

@ShaunBartone thank you for sharing this with me. I'm very grateful to be able to read about your experience and your thoughts. I believe it is like you say that we can help each other. You're already helping me now πŸ™‚πŸ™‡

@ShaunBartone @reto Is it like dreaming, ie. you can set up the conditions and clear out other distractions, but other than that it has/is a mind of its own? Something we invite, rather than something we achieve?

@scribe @reto Yes we can create the conditions that might replicate the experience, but the frustrating thing is that it seems to happen differently every time. One time it happened when I was listening to a certain kind of music. Another time it happened when I was resting on my bed, staring at the ceiling. The conditions are different, but the experiences have similar elements: loss of a sense of self, mild state of bliss, a sense of consciousness expanding beyond the usual limits.

the question I would ask is: what could it mean that it changes all the time and that you cannot control it?

I think it is both, you create the right conditions, that is you want to get to the bottom of it and you persue it. but it also has/is a mind of its own and it will happen when it sees the right time has come. to me it's not just like a process you can follow and you will get it. there's a purpose behind it, something that is beyond our understanding. at least that's what I think now.

Oddly I've had a few 'moments' this week. Not ultimate bliss, but a certain freedom. Once while walking home as it started to rain, once while falling asleep where I could feel the shape of my mind, and a dream where I was happy being naked. They all seem to relate to a sense of returning, rather than unlocking or training - returning of water, of a circle, of natural movement.

@reto @ShaunBartone
I've had a busy few weeks, and I'm now thinking and worrying less, but still doing things day to day. Activity + Tiredness seems to help me; the consciousness is depleted and the body is distracted, leaving space for something more fundamental.

@reto I have had this experience too. Once many years ago, and once a short while ago. Nobody I tried to tell about it "got it" - they kept seeing it as something I was choosing to believe, and that they could opt out of somehow. It's the sort of thing that has to be experienced to be properly understood - a knowledge beyond faith or belief.


@melpsn hey, I'm so happy for you that you had it too. I hope we can all learn from each other to make progress. I believe it's important that more people can have this experience and thus we can become more united instead of fighting each other everywhere.

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