Yesterday I listened to "How ZEN TRAPS You" by Alan Watts and today it became clear to me what it means. The Ego just doesn't exist. There is no "I" that is responsible for what "I" do. What I am and what I do arises on its own without "me" being involved. To act in "suchness" means to act without the false notion of the Ego. And to hesitate is to act according to the false notion of the Ego.
@reto After listening to this Alan Watts talk, I couldn't help but think that the desire and intention to practice Zen is the height of egotistical pretentiousness. But come to think of it, the desire and intent to become a 'fully enlightened Buddha' by any means is the height of egotistical pretentiousness. And I mean that sincerely. I gradually let go of seeking ultimate enlightenment over the last couple of years. As Watts said, out of sheer frustration and the total ridiculousness of it.
@reto I mean, think about it. Saying 'I want to be a fully enlightened Buddha' is like saying 'I want to be God.' It's utterly absurd and is nothing but a conceit of the ego. And the idea that 'I'm going to spend my entire life striving to be a fully enlightened Buddha i.e. God, is also utterly absurd, and a waste of an otherwise perfectly good life.
@scribe @ShaunBartone What I try to say is that it is this "thing" that does everything. It is not "me". The more it becomes clear to me that I'm not doing anything really, but that it just all happens, the less reason I have to puff myself up. In every moment "me" and my being is wholly dependent on "it". If "it" stops working for "me", I am no more.
@scribe Yes I think it's similar there. I have a good example for what I mean: Yesterday I had to go to an appointment to discuss my CV, but I forgot the most important documents (without which it would be quite useless to go there). In the staircase "it" reminded me of the documents. It is just out of familiarity that we assume we are in charge because we learned that things work in a certain way. It is a wrong idea. Every thought is a miracle and we have no idea how it all works
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